wut wut in the butt
(I work in a Coffee Shop. I was on break in the lobby when a couple walks in. Directly behind them is a cute little boy in Batman costume.)
Me: “Oh my God! It’s BATMAN!”
(The boy stops, strikes a pose and starts looking around menacingly. After a few seconds, he approaches the counter.)
Mother: “Jeff, would you like a chocolate milk?”
Boy: “I am not Jeff. I am The Batman.”
Mother: “The Batman, would you like a chocolate milk?”
Boy: “Yes. Yes, The Batman would.”
(The couple pays while the boy sits down with his chocolate milk. He keeps a stern look on his face as he sips the drink.)
Boy: *sips* “Gotham is safe.”

$700 - $350 = $200

badgermoles:

plot twist: my hips are actually compulsive liars

You are a glorious human being, Chris Evans.

professor-genkis-hot-butt:

andrewsgayboner4jessescurlyhair:

congrats to zach braff and donald faison for having literally the perfect friendship 

you think they actually nicknamed each other brown and vanilla bear